


Jude's self inflicted stab wound

by sarahjtrash



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Book 2: The Wicked King, Enemies to Lovers, POV Cardan Greenbriar, POV Jude Duarte, Post-Book 1: The Cruel Prince
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24043015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahjtrash/pseuds/sarahjtrash
Summary: The one where Cardan finds out about Dain basically forcing Jude to put a blade through her own hand. Protective (kind of) Cardan, jude just being jude aka she withholds things from cardan, just some angsty fluff about how i think cardan finding out about it would be. Set during the wicked king kind of.
Relationships: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar
Comments: 7
Kudos: 167





	Jude's self inflicted stab wound

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly dont think there are any spoilers in here for books 2 or 3 but there are spoilers for book 1 so beware. But really all three books are out now so just go read those and come back because they are really good!

It has been only a week since I crowned Cardan as High King of Elfhame, and yet the responsibility of running a kingdom is already weighing on me. I knew from the beginning that Cardan was going to be no help, hold no responsibility, but as of late it seems as though he is actually trying to make running the kingdom harder. He is not simply letting me run things on my own, he is actively working to make running everything harder.  
He comes to me on various nights, demanding that I fix grievances that personally affect him right away, or that I solve some problem or another that I know he has the means and the wisdom to solve himself.  
And apparently, tonight is one of those nights. I jerk awake at the sound of a fist pounding on my door, but before I’ve had the chance to fully wake up, Cardan has let himself into my room. I fell asleep on the carpet again without meaning to, another part of my increasingly tiresome routine: accidentally take a short nap on the carpet, wake up, finish the work that I meant to finish earlier, climb into bed for an even shorter nap than before, wake up once again, begin my day. And repeat.  
Cardan stops short just before the carpet that I am laying on in front of the fire pit. He seems to have just realized that I was sleeping before he stormed in here. And for maybe the first time ever, he looks unsure of himself. I slowly sit up, blinking at him. I am still slightly disoriented after waking so abruptly. Normally my body would have been on high alert around Cardan, but I am too exhausted right now to care as much as I should.  
“Were you asleep?” he asks.  
“Obviously”, I mutter, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I look at him and his face softens for a moment before hardening to the glare that he always wears when looking at me nowadays.  
\---  
She looks terrible. Absolutely terrible. She always looks breathtaking to me – not that I’d ever tell her so – but tonight on top of her beauty she is exhausted. I can tell by the circles under her eyes, and the fact that she didn’t try to kill me when I stormed in here without permission. I mean, she forfeited all rights to privacy between us when she forced the crown unto my head, but still. Normal Jude would have jumped up with a knife held out in front of her the moment I walked in. She doesn’t trust me. And she shouldn’t.  
I stare down at her as she rubs the sleep from her eyes, muttering something that I can’t hear. Probably a smart-ass comment. I almost feel bad for not helping her with the kingdom, but then again, she was the one who wanted this life, not me. She finally looks back up at me, eyes more focused than before, but it is still obvious that she has just woken up.  
“I need you to come with me right now. There is an issue between two courtiers that I would rather not deal with, so you can handle it in my stead.” Because I am feeling more generous than normal, and because she for once looks like she actually needs some help, I reach a hand down to help her up. She just rolls her eyes at me.  
\---  
He reaches a hand down to me, which I would have remarked on if I wasn’t so tired. I reach up to him as well, accepting his offer of help. I realize too late that I reach with the wrong hand.  
His thumb presses into the center of my hand, which isn’t anywhere close to being fully healed yet after Dain forced me to put a dagger through it. I hiss, loudly, at the pain in my hand, pulsing up my arm. Cardan jumps back, as if he is the one who is injured. When he finally regains his senses, I am still sitting on the floor, cupping my hand to my chest, hoping that that will relieve some of the pain. Blood is dripping out from under my glove, running down my forearm and staining my shirt where my arm is pressed against my chest. I don’t care about the blood at the moment, I am only focusing on my breathing, trying to ride through the waves of pain. Cardan’s finger has reopened the wound that had begun to scab over.  
I didn’t realize that I was crying until Cardan kneeled down in front of me and began brushing my tears off of my face. His uncharacteristic gentleness was gone in a moment, however, when he commanded me to give him my hand. With my brain still foggy with both exhaustion and pain, I gave him my hand with no resistance.  
\---  
Blood is covering her arm, dripping onto the carpet and staining her blouse. My heart stopped for a moment when she hissed in pain as I grabbed her hand. I thought that I had injured her, that maybe I had been underestimating the strength in my hand, or overestimating the strength in Jude. But when the blood started appearing from underneath her glove, I knew I had not done that. She has curled into herself, clutching her injured hand to her chest. I have never seen her so vulnerable and it is the most upsetting image I have seen in a while. Even when she forced the crown upon me I was not so upset as I am right now. Then, I kind of expected wicked things from Jude. I could almost count on it. But this… weakness? I have never seen this before from Jude. I thought I never would. The Jude that I knew was made of steel, she was unbreakable, she was tougher than any faerie I had ever met, and I’d bet that she was tougher than any mortal as well.  
“Give me your hand,” I said sternly. I do not know how to deal with this Jude and I feel like she needs me to be strong right now since she cannot. She gives me her hand with no protest on her part, which is equal parts surprising and worrying. If she is following my commands with no hesitation then she must be in a lot of pain.  
I take her hand and gently undo the buttons on her glove before sliding it off of her hand slowly, using only the finger tips. I am scared to touch the rest of her hand and cause her more pain. Finally, with a terrible sticky tearing sound, her glove falls come off. The sight of her hand nauseates me. Her hand is covered in blood, the wound in the middle gaping open to show mangled flesh and tendons. The wound goes all the way through her hand. I glance up at her, trying to figure out who could have possibly done this to Jude. My Jude. I will destroy them.  
How has she managed to hide this from me? I haven’t noticed her acting strangely, or like she was in pain. She must have been used to this pain in her hand by now, to have acted so normally. The thought enrages me further. I look up to see that her eyes are closed tight against the pain, that she is still breathing shallow breaths. I can tell that she is already starting to come down from it, able to master her own reaction to it. I wish she did not know how to do that, that she didn’t need to know how to handle pain.  
I give her another few moments before speaking.  
\---  
“Who did this to you?” he asks, voice unnaturally quiet. I open my eyes to see that he looks more angry than I have ever seen him, more angry even than when I forced the blood crown upon his head. I am not sure what makes me tell the truth, whether it be the pain still clouding my brain, or the anger in his voice.  
“Dain”, my voice comes out in a harsh whisper, giving away the pain that I am in. I hate that I am allowing myself to seem so weak in front of him. At my answer his face turns icy, the rage in his eyes turning distant. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me, waiting for me to elaborate. And for some reason, I do.  
“You know that I was one of Dain’s spies in the Court of Shadows. After I stabbed Valerian for trying to force me to jump out of a window to my death, Dain paid me a visit at Madoc’s house. He was angry that I had defended myself, that I had stabbed valerian, because if anyone had found out that I was connected to Dain then my stabbing of valerian would have reflected badly on him. In punishment for defending myself, and to prove to him my ‘loyalty’, he bade me to put a blade through my hand. He glamoured me, made me find the exact spot to put the blade through my hand that would cause the least damage, and then he released me from the glamour, to finish the job myself.” Cardan was silent throughout this whole speech, not so much as breathing too loud so as to be able to hear every word that I say. He hasn’t moved.  
“And you actually did it?” is all he says, which only serves to make me angry at him.  
“Of course, I did it you idiot! Of course, I did it! I did not actually have a choice in the matter, it was put a blade through my own hand and still have the promise of a place in Dain’s court when he became king, or it was disobey Dain, lose my place in his court, and possibly be assassinated by someone else in the Court of Shadows in order to make sure that I don’t retaliate by revealing his whole organization!” That is, of course, something that I would never do even if I had lost my place with the court of shadows, but Dain didn't know that, didn't really know me. I would never reveal their secrets.  
\---  
I am shocked into silence. I knew that my brothers were cruel, and I knew that Jude worked for my brother in the court of shadows, but I had never imagined that he would have treated her like this. I feel almost numb with anger. Anger at Jude for suffering through that and never telling me about at. Anger at Dain for treating her this way, anger at our world for making her so desperate to find a place in it that she would put a blade through her own hand just to stay in Dain’s good graces. I want to start screaming and crying and raging at anything and everything because even though I hate her for forcing this crown on my head, she is still my Jude. She is still the bravest and smartest and most beautiful woman that I know, and how DARE anyone treat my Jude like that.  
But that is not what Jude needs right now. The outburst and the story and the pain must have taken a lot out of her because her eyelids are once again starting to droop. Slowly, so as not to disturb her hand, I lift her to her feet, intending to help her into her bed. She makes it one step and falters, however, so despite her protests I sweep her into my arms and carry her the rest of the way to her bed. I set her down gently and go to call for some healers to help fix the gaping wound in her hand. By the time I get back to her she has already fallen asleep once again. I sit next to her bed, holding her uninjured hand and wait until the healers get there. Once they arrive, I set Jude's hand back down, retreating to my own bed chambers.  
I thought I was the only person who had to deal with the cruelty of my siblings. I was horribly wrong.  
And I know in my heart that if Dain was still alive today, I would kill him. I would kill him for how he had treated Jude. My Jude.


End file.
